There were lots promotional notes at work this week, so my co-worker sent this out:

"Please join me in congratulating Sarah on her promotion to web picture distorter. Sarah has successfully altered the eye and chin size of faces on the internet. (Sarah has not yet succeeded at making hairdos look more attractive on the internet though).

Sarah started this role last week while students were waiting for her chat responses.

In her spare time, Sarah enjoys increasing her rat toy collection, taking pictures of stuffed animals with glasses on them and lamenting about the lack of romantic spark from her internet dates."