Eek... From the news about the guy who blew up..

Friends of deliveryman robber don't find him capable of heist

ERIE, Pa. (AP) — Living in a rented cottage with hand-me-down furniture and three cats, Brian Douglas Wells was content to deliver pizzas 27 hours a week and spend much of his free time listening to his stereo. Money, say his friends, never meant much to him.....

With a few changes we could have...

Friends of pizza eater don't find her capable of heist

West Carrollton, OH (AP) — Living in a rented apartment with hand-me-down furniture and 5 cats, Sarah was content to eat an occasional pizza and spend much of her free time listening to herself nap. Money, say her friends, never meant much to her...

Woo-hoo! Unmaterialistic cat owners can commit crimes without suspicion (but we are going to sound kinda loserish in our news stories...)